First week in the Blackboard Jungle

Hello reader, as some of you know, I've been on my practical stint in SMK Tunku Abdul Aziz, Simpang Empat, Alor Setar, Kedah, for two weeks now.Going into this, I remember I was terrified mostly of the unknown; the people I had not met, and the students that I did not know, the place that I hadn't grown accustomed to. But it turns out, after two weeks, the teachers are nice, the place isn't that confusing, and my class makes me smile. I am assigned to a Form 3 and a Form 1 class. But I've entered many other classrooms on relief duty, some with a less friendly crowd than others. 

My students in Form 3 are in the first class, but they come in one passive package. I feel like I still cannot get them to open up. I know that because when I'm having a class discussion and someone says something funny and laughs and I ask them the just shake their head and look away, as if it's "not worth" telling me. HAHA. Dramatic much. But  there have been times when this class has come alive. I witnessed this rare moment during an interesting discussion on toilet etiquette. I believe that I have to stay focused on what I want them to learn at the same time have at least one engaging activity to bring them out of their shells a bit. Names 99% memorized

My Form 1 students are the cutest bunch of passive students. I think they live by the phrase "Silence is Golden" which is bit troublesome when the objective of the English Period is to get them to talk. Currently our Form 1 batch is undergoing a program called OPS- English, which is targeted to improve their Oral Proficiency. Ops-English comes equipped with its own textbook and CD. Throughout the program which lasts till june, students are not allowed to do any writing. No essays, no paragraph writing. It's all about speaking and listening. At first it seemed like a heaven sent program, because of its simplicity. In actual fact, when you're given a very passive class who has no intention on speaking, then figuring out lesson plans can be a pain in the neck. Oh well, lets put that 4 years of uni to use. Names 70% memorized

That's all there is, 

There isn't any more. 

Pre-teaching (Countdown day 3)

Today, we followed our advisor to a school to observe her other practicum mentee. The three of us sat behind along with our lecturer and watched my senior handle this class. I was in awe, as she coolly handled these Form 4 students and projected a stern demeanor whilst still maintaining an approachable personality. She had already begun to remember their names, and had a good developing rapport with the students.

She used quite a few words in Malay after seeing that they didn't understand it in English. One boy when praised, would say "Awesome" obviously having picked it up from her previous class. Our lecturer mentioned that positive feedback and  encouraging words were always a good thing. Because students need to feel that their answers are valued.

Another incident I recall was when a girl gave a suggestion, and her answer was dismissed with a "no, that's not a good answer"..
I was surprised when she said. "Okay okay teacher, I just try"
She was one of the better ones, who had more confidence than the rest.

I learnt that teacher movement around the classroom was very important and that some students at the back were interested in the lesson but didn't get enough of the teacher's attention to bother about performing in class.

I guess I'm most nervous about classroom management and this was indeed a very useful experience of going and observing another teacher in her classroom. Our lecturer advised us to ask our school mentoring-teacher if we could sit in for the lessons to watch the teacher before taking over the following week.

Our school is reportedly still preparing our timetables and we most probably will be getting the lower form classes.

That's all there is,
There isn't any more.  

Pre-teaching (Countdown day 4)

Okay, it's crunch time. I've been dreading this moment for ages now. It reminds me of how I dreaded diving lessons at the pool, or driving lessons and driving school, or public speaking competitions, or debate rounds, or the literature exams, and then the moment came and passed, and I emerged all the better for it.

The hardest thing right now is finding the motivation to keep myself confident. What is it about those unknown faces? or is it because I am facing the unknown? Sometimes I find myself terrified of failure, sometimes worried sick with the challenges, and very occasionally  fleeting excitement at the prospect of stepping into the beginning of this new chapter.

For my practicals, I was placed with two of my classmates and good friends Lea and Zaini. This evening, Zaini and I took a test drive to the school to familiarize ourselves with the route. I still don't know the way though so Zaini will be the GPS I guess. The school is situated a good 30km from our hostels and this means a 40 minute drive with traffic and traffic lights. Which means that we'll be getting up at the crack of dawn to beat traffic and get to school for a decent clock-in.

We met our supervisors today and mine is one of the nicest lecturers ever but she had some not-so-nice news. She gravely told us that the school we were attached to for this 4 month teaching practical was notorious for major discipline problems and in many cases the police had to be called to intervene. Anyhow, my advisor has given us the green light to call her to observe us any time to get some feedback and improvement tips.

I have not signed in at my school yet. A lot of us haven't. We'll probably do so on Sunday. In case you didn't know, in Kedah, the weekend is from Friday to Saturday, and we work on Sunday.

That's all there is,
there isn't any more.

Lau Puts her Foot Down

Now and again, Lau (not real name) coins a new nickname symbolizing my relationship status and at the moment it was single-since-birth- Liza. On dating, she said she wouldn't allow me to date just anyone. He would have to be smart, speak good English (whatever that was) and come from Subang (eye roll).

Now, normally Lau's shallow ideals would have me snorting with laughter, but suddenly I began to wonder where my list was. By "LIST" I meant where on earth had I chucked the MY-FUTURE-HUSBAND section in the notebook? Lau was right in a sense; I couldn't welcome just any Tom Dick or Harry who showed interest with no walls up at all, not even a baggage check. I had to have something in mind.

And so I began the process of  listing down the things that I prioritize in the opposite sex.

I used to think that "making me laugh" was enough for someone to qualify. I mean what else could you want?

But I quickly realized that if people asked me "Oh how did you know he was the one?"
 my answer would seem really silly.

Instead I'm going to edit that and say he has to have a sense of humour.

Having a good sense of humour is more than just being able to crack jokes. It is being able to see the light side of things, it's being able to smile, not frown, at silliness. It's being able to tolerate when your other half is being intolerable.

And one other thing, I think I needed someone who didn't think women were second to men in the sense that it would be a huge blow to their ego if a woman wanted to drive instead, or god forbid  a woman gave a suggestion on why something was wrong with the car. Or a person who expected (without discussion) that a woman play certain roles that society has deemed acceptable for our gender. I'd go crazy...and beat him with a rolling pin or pull his hair out. *cough* right...anyway. I swear I'm nice in general.  

Apart from these two things, it depends on who I meet I guess. I mean I can't be setting up 101 road blocks in the form of height, weight and hip width can I. That's weird, plus, I'm too flawed to expect perfection. Haw haw

The see-saw is the least fun playground toy to play on alone
You always need someone on the other end to send you up when you're down, and bring down to earth, when you're too high up.  *quotable quotes much*

Everyone needs some ideals or principles that are important. NOT a cut out mold that someone should magically fit into. Have you thought of yours yet?

Cheers. 

When you feel Incompetent, Dream Big

I don't know how the feeling of incompetence creeps up on you like a slimy black mist (as far as mists can be slimy and black and creep. Okay that was a lousy simile) but I absolutely detest it. One minute I'm feeling very accomplished having driven up 80 km to my university,by myself and the next minute I'm flopped over sideways on the bed, contemplating deleting my Facebook account because it has prevented me from keeping myself updated with worldly news. I mean how am I supposed to pass off intelligent opinions about the violent protests in Kenya...or was it Nigeria (it's okay, protests are everywhere these days) when all I stared at were bloody Candy Crush requests, and pictures of *hashtag* foodporn?

The way I saw it, Facebook users comprised of two sorts, the ones who went on and on about some cause or another, wishing people to "like" their witty enthusiasm, and the other kind, who just wished people would like their faces. And there are a lot of floaters in the middle who are there to pay up the "likes" and reap no benefits except the freedom to scroll.  Come to think of it, they sound like middle class taxpayers.

Immediately I decided to deactivate my account (after replying an FB message from my aunt. Priorities.) and then launch into some sort of Eat. Pray. Love endeavour of self discovery. I would download a whole playlist of John Mayer acoustic songs and play them loudly in the car (wait this is sounding like a roadtrip). Cancel John Mayer. I needed a project. My own cause to champion.

My thoughts drifted to the dimwits who kept putting out rubbish by the road in this one unfortunate spot around the corner from my place. It was rubbish too big to be collected by the trucks. This included bits of broken sofa, bed frames, carpets, stoves. I'd even seen a television set once. They would all be heaped together with regular stinking rubbish and the whole thing was an eyesore. One day, a signboard was put up warning anyone who littered that they would be made to pay a fine of up to RM1000. Who? Who would make them pay?? And as if spitting in the face of this authority, people began to pile their cushions and  furniture right beneath the sign. It was full on People Vs  Municipal and nothing seemed to stop these ignorant twits. Aha cause for a cause!

I imagined myself setting up a daytime watch over the area, maybe a desk (with coffee? no ...flyers) and a big signboard saying something simple yet creative but to-the-point because we were dealing with morons after all. Maybe, "STOP BEING IDIOTS LITTERING  THROWING RUBBISH  . DO NOT LITTER.
So much for creative. Oh and I would start a garden patch there, surely people wouldn't toss a microwave onto a lovely bloom of flowers. Heliconias maybe, they are so elegant and they spread really fast. And maybe some (Googled) small yellow flower weed to carpet the area with prettiness.

Soon people would get really annoyed, and I would steel myself against some of the nastiest fat old men who were determined to chuck their unwanted household bits. The papers would become interested in "One Woman's noble cause to change humanity". (ha take that, stupid worldly-affairs ranters on FB). Finally people would begin to change their attitudes. Or if they didn't, I'd stake out long enough so that some of the older unchangeable bricks would die off. One small problem with that. I lived in Tanjung Malim 80 km away while site of cause was in Klang.

Right. Well always space for that in my to-do list. My phone beeps. Notification from Facebook. Mental note: DEACTIVATE FACEBOOK.
X has just sent you a request on Candy Crush. This. cannot. be. happening.

Enough is enough

In a sudden burst of inspiration, I grab my post-its and make a list.
1. get baju kurungs (it has been two weeks. she owes me)
2. detergent (current detergent powder has clumped into rocks)
3. return library books (good reads. both of them)
4. buy a guitar pick (maybe not)
5. Bind and staple lesson plan (this is homework to be honest)
6. Buy an empty CD (for softcopy of homework)

I love lists, if you've thought long and hard while writing them, then the actual doing process becomes a breeze.

I called up the baju kurung lady. Surprise surprise. She wasn't ready with my orders made two weeks ago.
Guitar pick can wait.

I get my detergent (liquid this time), bind and staple my report and buy a new CD. Feeling tremendously accomplished. I march up to the library, return the two holiday reads (two days in advance! pat on my back) and float upstairs to get two new ones.

There, I meet some sort of head-librarianish lady who seems surprised to see anyone reading the novels that have been displayed.

"Are the novels any good?" she suddenly asks in a tone that suggested that she didn't think very highly of them.

"Oh! yeah, yeah. good variety" I replied shaken by the interruption of my quiet perusal.

" Good, we try. We're going to put in more after installing the shelves" she explains, gesturing around at the men taking measurements.

"oh. yeah. great. wonderful" I nod really quickly racking my brains for better adjectives.

Suddenly I had an idea. A flash of  brilliance. A brain wave.
"um, what if I had a lot of novels and wanted to...could I give them to the library?"

 What if I had novels? what kind of stupid phrasing was that? as if it was some great hypothetical challenge.
What if I told you I had novels...would you take me seriously?

" yes of course! my door's always open. You'll have your name written on the back" she says as if that last bit was the clincher, what I was desperate for..acknowledgement. *mental scoff*

" oh haha, yeah, so I'll just carry? so.. your office?yeah okay" back to retarded speech.

Okay so I may not have changed an entire litterbug community today.

However I have contributed for the BETTERMENT of MANKIND.
 *slice of humble pie? No thank you

The Silly Secret

It's about time you knew.

When I was 13, we had a class pet...well pets actually. Two terrapins to be exact. And over the weekend, I was on take home duty.

I woke up on Sunday morning to discover that one of the absolutely boring silent dull uninspiring creatures was missing! Naturally I blamed my younger brother. He must have, at the dead of night, taken one out, trampled it to death and then disposed of the body in the pond. It made complete and perfect sense at the time. So I beat him up..

But I was still one terrapin short!

First I must explain, that to me, the terrapins looked EXACTLY alike
My untrained eyes saw nothing to tell them apart.
Two peas in a pod, identical, mirror image...yeah you get the picture

So trying to deal with my state of panic (and to stop me hitting my brother), my dad suggested that I get one from the pet store and then explain to my friends how I misplaced one terrapin. 

At first I was horrified! EXPLAIN HOW I KILLED AN ANIMAL? EXPLAIN? to Dhanya, Jes, Shalz and the rest of the animal freaks lovers how the terrapin they had been playing with speaking to and measuring everyday was most probably in a drain somewhere? No. No thank you.

I might as well stop going to school.

But I was okay with buying a new one....that was GENIUS

So we headed to the Simpang Lima pet store and bought a terrapin.
Guess what... it looked like this...

                               

So I was happy enough. Going to school I was so smug feeling like I HAD FOOLED THE WORLD

The next morning at school,  I placed them in that annoying brown ceramic bowl outside the classroom, and casually tossed a leaf over one of them, I already couldn't tell which was the pretender.

By recess Dhanya knew there was something wrong.

I overheard them discussing it outside class...

Dhanya: "If you look closely at this green color patch on the underside of it's left front toe, it's definitely different"

Jes and Shalini: "Hey omg ya! so totally different.."

Dhanya: "YA even the head is protruding at a slightly different angle from its normal, and its not usually this shy right??"

Jes and Shalini:  "Hey omg ya! so totally different.."

Dhanya: "And if you observe the thickness of the shell *takes out calipers* and its overall diameter, it's smaller by 0.000000000001 mm., I swear something is wrong"

Jes and Shalini: "Hey omg ya! so different"

HOW DID THEY KNOW????

WHAT DID THEY SEE????

another scary thought

So I rearranged face to resemble something of a poker face.


And LIED LIKE MY SOCIAL LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!

and more people got involved, and started swearing they saw differences, (yeah right)

And as unconvinced as they were, they couldn't bring themselves to call my bluff, so they were just SO PUZZLED and UNSATISFIED

I hope this story provides some very belated closure that you all have needed. I lost the terrapin. and you were right. I suck.

BUT BUT just know that it went missing, and there is still hope. those things live forever right...we'll light a candle and it'll show up some day ...with a family of it's own. THis is a HAPPY ENDING.

The Wardrobe Malfunction and The Amazing Friends

Hey reader, for those of you who aren't aware, macro-teaching is something we teacher trainees have to go through in preparation for out practicals. It's where we conduct a mock-30 minute lesson in the teaching lab and are recorded and evaluated. It was my turn earlier this morning, and deep breath SIGH, its over.

But I'm going to tell you about the whole long dragged out annoying bad-luck-ridden process okay!

last night I was sick with worry, but I thought to myself ....I'll sleep the night through, because I need to feel the adrenaline tomorrow, right before I present. you know that adrenaline rush don't you?

Anyway if ADRENALINE were a BRIGHT SHINY balloon then I was a little kid then who wanted that balloon so bad.

this is what happened today. ..

Okay enough with the drama, ...this is what happened.

So obviously I was worried about all kinds of things,
1. Would my friends even come?

I thought these (machas) Arifuddin and Syafwan definitely wouldn't show up.. HAHA. WRONG.
They came and I'm definitely guilty of assuming the worst. Sorry guys.

2. What should I wear?
 On hindsight I probably should have spent more time thinking about this.
But after sniffing all my decent clothes I was left with a blouse and a pair of fitting pants. To be honest when I put it on I thought I looked very decent....and professional enough to present.

Little did I know, what I was seeing was not quite what the world was seeing

Anyway the second I handed my lecturer the lesson plan, everything spiraled out of control....for a while. I never got my adrenaline rush because of scolding I got due to my poor choice of clothes. yea yea Guilty as charged. I'll admit that.

The mock-lesson however went okay enough. So I was relieved because I know that wasn't my best presentation. It really helps having your classmates acting as students. They've always got your back. Love you guys.
Emily and Arifuddin for subtly pointing out that I had missed out a whole worksheet. LOL
Everyone for "acting" enthusiastically enough!
and everyone for giving me the constructive criticism i needed. THANK YOU.

Class photo!

After mine, it was Lydia's turn, and she taught us how to write a thank you note.
SO THIS is MY thank you note! Heee