Give You Lah!

         

Mr. Teo: WHAT you mean I have to pay for the sim card. You all force me to buy one okay! If I know I won’t buy! Your stupid guy come and never tell me got charge.

Me: he didn’t? I’m sorry sir.Okay we’ll have to look into this. Which outlet did you visit sir?

Mr. Teo: ahh..oh Actually not your shop..I do online myself

Me: oh I see. You didn’t have a choice?

Mr.Teo: no! They simply add to my cart

Me: Actually they ask, sir, if you need one. There’s an option

Mr.Teo: okay whatever lah.. They still never tell got charges

Me: I understand Mr.Teo, but if you pick something online, it will be chargeable

Mr.Teo: my friend can get free how come I cannot get free. Double standard is it?

Me: what friend sir? Is he available? Can I speak to him?

Mr.Teo: aiya! Fed up la talk to you! Steal people’s money. Double standard shit service. Give you lah the 35 dollar.

                            ~~ABUTHEN!?~~
Me: is there anything else I can assist you with Mr. Teo?

Call Center la Uncle

On trying to avoid saying the word CALL CENTER

Uncle: ah so finished studies? still waiting for posting ah?

Me: *clears throat*... uhmm yes, hasn't come yet. 

Uncle: so not doing anything now?

Me: temporarily working in ...ermm.. for ..a telecommunications company.

Uncle: Hah?

Me: It's like in the customer service line uncle...

Uncle: okay? so what do you do??

Me: well,  we try to provide solutions to all the customers product/ service issues

Uncle: Owh like some mass comm job is it? good la...

Me: err..no la uncle.. not quite (NOT AT ALL)...

Uncle: okay? then? 

Me: okay, customers will call in if they have problems using the service, and we will tell them the best way to approach it. 

Uncle: Ohhhhh CALL CENTRE LA??

Me: ........ya

-always feels like a bloody game of taboo-

**************************************************************

call cen·ter

noun

1. an office set up to handle a large volume of telephone calls, especially for taking orders and providing customer service.
2. 
   

It's a horribly plain word that doesn't quite do the job justice. Call centre, implies we call people up and shove product down their throats, when in fact, we solve problems. It should be called Customer Resolutions Center. I understand that lengthening the name doesn't change what it is, but my goodness, "call center" describes so little! Who makes these calls and what do we do? 
-Find out in the next episode of the Call Center Girl- 

For now anyway, this is the latest with me. Whats happening with you these days? 

Shiritori

Boy yacht toy young gorilla apple egg

Okay this isn’t working, I just watched a TED talk video on how this simple game can be used to harness creativity. Think of word and then take the last letter of that word to think of a new word. The guy who gave the talk was really enthusiastic about how he got this fountain of ideas after coming up with a few words. Well, for the life of me, I cannot link gorilla, apple and egg. And I’ve gone on to twenty words. It’s getting harder to see the point of the exercise. But perhaps I wasn’t trying hard enough. Okay, here goes.

I once knew a boy who owned a yacht! Don’t get too excited. It was a 3 foot-tall toy yacht. I had always thought kids who played with over-sized toys while the rest of us struggled with our paper boats cum hats, were snotty and spoilt. Robert, to be metaphorically correct, was a young gorilla. Rude, raucous, rough and ridiculously rich. While the rest of us brought water and plain slices of bread summing up to a rather dry and tasteless meal time, Robert’s mother packed him a bright and shiny red apple and a tumbler of apple juice to go. At 4 I knew enough to appreciate that apples grew in England. Enid Blyton taught me that much. But this meant that every day a single apple was flown in from the UK to be fit into this detestable boy’s grimy little lunch box. This is how I know that Robert was rich.

Now although it looked spectacular in a way only a shiny red apple can, no one really fancied eating a single fruit for lunch. And I knew Robert secretly lusted after our thin margarine coated slices, as he bit into the hard mildly sweet fruit and hurt his little teeth. This thought gave me immense satisfaction. 

One day, Robert brought a hardboiled egg that was still in its shell! I love boiled eggs! After mummy peels them, they are soft hot and tasty enough without needing any salt and makes your tummy full after just one. As I opened my own lunch box and caught sight of the predictable oily sandwich that limply lay there, I looked up and eyeballed Robert who was getting ready to peel his egg. He lightly knocked it on the table top. I shut my eyes that very instant, and prayed hard that it was a raw egg that would crack open spilling stinky yolk all over his rich boy pants.  

Positive Thought of the Day: Don't think, Just Jump

Hesitance- a reluctance to do something quickly or immediately, usually because you are uncertain, embarrassed or worried

THE DEBATES:

When I was asked to join this national level debate, I was hesitant. I had had a single bad experience debating in high school, and still allowed the memory of that to dictate my thoughts and feelings. A small part of me was honoured that I was asked in the first place but my brain also furiously dug up the old mortifying memories; the loss for words, the stuttering, the nerves. I went back to my room allowing all these single tiny thoughts wash over me creating a tsunami of self-doubt; I'm hardly the person to do this; "If only they knew what a lousy debater I was", "I cannot", "I cannot", "I cannot do this."

While I felt my self drowning and looking for escape routes (couldn't someone else do it?)  I also momentarily thought of my other team mates on the trip;

One who seemed to be juggling the world on her plate, and still remained positive enough to brave yet another challenge thrown her way

One who had no prior knowledge of debates, but was keen on learning everything he could

One who was called at the last minute, two days before the debates, and immediately drove down to be part of the team

Hmmm, so, what was my excuse?

I didn't have anything else on my plate?
I HAD a bit of experience?
I was called weeks before the debates and could prepare?

Suddenly, I realised that if I changed my perspective, I was looking at all positives.
 When an opportunity floats along, don't think just jump.

GIRLS in the friendzone

You have always believed that a crush/ love blossoms from a good friendship. It's an old cliché but you like the idea. The problem is, said friendship doesn't seem to be going anywhere let alone blossom into anything.

There are two scenarios in which this can occur

1. You've been friends for a long time, and develop a crush on him.

In this situation, you can't explain the chemistry. All you know is, you have developed some very un-brotherly feelings towards this person, but chances are, he hasn't at all and now you're clutching at straws finding ways to get him to un-sister you too! Big chance you'll fail and embarrass yourself "my-best-friend's-wedding" style but you try anyway.

2. You've been friends for a long time, and think "Wait, why the hell doesn't he like me?"

In the second scenario, you don't even like this guy, but when you look at the people he IS attracted to, you are annoyed that you weren't even on the list. You are also a psychopath. Indignantly, you make it your mission to get this guy to like you.

Anyway, here are 5 telltale signs that you're headed for the (not so little) part of the world called the Friendzone.

1. Once upon a time you shared great conversation. That's it. 

Back in the day, when your judgement was unclouded,  there was an exchange of opinions, funny debates and yes even a little bit of teasing. T'was a great friendship. You hold on to this like it's your last piece of gum.

You seem to think this should be reason enough for him to fall for you. You end up waiting a long time for this to happen, and after ages, out of frustration, you say something weird and uncalled-for  that suddenly throws everything off balance. Slap your self

He used to really enjoy your company, but now he feels like talking to you might give you idiotic romantic ideas....it is like navigating through a mine field. Any sentence might set you off. He communicates less and less..until you lose what good friendship you have. The thing you failed to realise was that you were in the friendzone from the start, and you're not headed anywhere any time soon. Tough luck.

2. All witty conversation is met with a generous double syllable HA-HA

In this day and age, a lot of conversation takes place via text message.You think you are reasonably good at it. Every time you communicate with crush, you are engaging, witty, sarcastic but friendly, the kind of girl you think every guy would dream of. After all that effort, the replies you get are as below...

1.     haha

2.     lol

3.     haha lol

He doesn't know what else to say. This conversation you're struggling with means little to him. In fact, this dialogue has dragged on long enough, and he thinks you can't possibly continue after a "haha".....

You stop and  honestly ask yourself why you're sinking this low.  But this reflection lasts only a second before you try again with another joke. Cycle repeats.

3. You over-analyse his rubbish responses.

You receive a non-committal, half-assed "lol"or "oh haha" and immediately launch into a Freud-like analysis... always coming up with the conclusion like "oh, he's really shy" "he's an introvert" "he's not good with words" “he’s busy right now”

NO. He's just not that into you...or your "hilarious" e-cards

4.  You become a toilet bowl

At first, you think you are his listening ear, the supportive shoulder, the available arm, the patting palm, but soon you realise that to be metaphorically apt, you are merely a toilet bowl. He loves talking to you and seeking out your opinions on his silly mundane problems. The toilet bowl, where people go to take a dump. Nothing more. No other purpose.

Like the practical toilet bowl, you really couldn't care less about how he "woke up late today" or "can't decide what cereal to buy" but you think the more you respond and pretend to care, he might realize you are the one.

WRONG. You and your sewage system become the perfect outlet for him to vent and release frustrations.

 "Hey thanks for listening"

 "no probs, any time"

Till the next time nature calls then!

5. He tells you who his crush is and.... it isn't you.

This should be the ULTIMATE sign for you to stop, abandon ship, give up the fight, move on, forget the pursuit. This is the most depressing sign because of its finality and non-negotiable nature of outcome.

If he tells you about the person he does like, you have successfully fulfilled toilet bowl duties. Congratulations. Retire to Friendzone.

If you are a psychopath, you will openly and unashamedly insult his choice in women, because it wasn't you.

If not a psychopath, you smile and encourage him to pursue his interest in the lucky (undeserving) female.

If you've experienced at least one of the 5 signs mentioned above, sigh...stop now, before ruining a good friendship.

NOTE:

*Googling the phrase "friendzone" almost always turns up results to console men who have had some bad luck in the relationship department. "She thinks of you as a brother"has come to be universally accepted as the ultimate warning sign.

But it isn't that simple or clear cut when you are a girl. The social onus of move-making that normally falls to the guy, makes it a bit unclear if they're are not yet into you, or not at all into you. LOL

Practicum Teachers: 7 things that you need to get used to

Congratulations, and welcome to teaching practicals. Going back to school can never be fun but let's face it, you're not prepared for the role reversal at first. Every day you keep reminding yourself to use the "staff toilet" because yes, you are now a teacher. Hopefully, you're an adult as well.

Here are 7 instances that will remind you of who you have chosen to become.

1. When students wish you good morning

You love this but it never fails to take you by surprise a little, when you hear a student calling from afar or bowing as they walk past, or smiling and greeting you.














At first you were like "are you talking to me?"
But now you have trained yourself to smile, return greeting, and look superior.


2. When you are called to break up a fight

I'm not talking about returning a ruler that some kid stole from another kid. I mean a real fist fight, or sometimes in my case, a case of possessed students running amok. You forget sometimes that students look to you to solve their problems and handle situations. If you're a new teacher, chances are you won't know what the hell to do. The only handling you can manage is the door handle as you rush out.

Emergency Exit Plan

3. When students try to open up to you

No matter how cold you try to be,  some random student will always look to you for a counselling session. They saw something in you and feel like you would understand their problems. But as a new teacher, you've got 99 problems of your own, and this ITCH ain't one. You're worried that if you take on this student as a patient, you might end up doling out horrendous advice, so you pull the "dont-get-close-to-me-I'm-not-here-to-be-your-friend"... you feel bad about this later, but, meh...

P.S But it's nice that you trust me, kid.



4. When students try to flirt

As a new teacher, the senior students in Form 5 will seem really mature compared to the form one zoo animals you handle all day, sometimes you forget that they are only seventeen years old. And there will be a few who are just so charming or pretty and remind you of your high school crushes. If you catch yourselves smiling at them, do everyone a favour and SLAP yourself. And never make eye contact again, because you don't want to step into that quicksand...If you're a male teacher, female students will know no boundaries when it comes to batting eyelashes. DO NOT ENGAGE. repeat. DO NOT ENGAGE










awwww....NOT

That's right

5. when you see a student crying

Every once in a while, you will come across some hormonal teenager (most probably a girl) who is sobbing away in a corner (during your class) or looking so sad and/or angry that the people around her look afraid. 

The annoying thing is, this depressed teenager is BENT on getting you to notice her. You have been brought up by the rule, "Cry quietly in your room so that no one sees" so you don't understand what she wants from your life. 

After every few sobs she looks up at you, or she rolls her eyes at everything you say.

Must not make eye contact

 At first you try not to notice...but soon, she sobs louder (or death stares you),  and you attempt to talk to her. You try to sound like a sister, because you think you're young and cool but you end up being as much help as a spoon. 

6. when you're supposed to give them life advice

You don't remember how you got into this, but now, you actually have to advise these kids on life. You've always known smoking was bad, drugs will kill but now you actually have to convince these students because a lot of  them aren't taught it at home. Suddenly you feel overwhelmed by this pressure society has put on your shoulders to educate the young. You end everything with death with the hope that students will be too scared to question further. But they stop taking you seriously after you say MC DONALD'S WILL KILL YOU!

7. When a student gets on your nerves and you want to curse so badly

Like any other 20 something year old, you occasionally swear when something annoys you. Jerk reaction. But in school, it is one big cardinal SIN. You are supposed to assume a role of a perpetually patient being. You told yourself you would never sink that low anyway.

You have had some minor experience fighting with your younger siblings but nothing prepares you for 20 screaming kids who have decided that they have learnt enough for the day. For a second you inhale deeply and wonder what possessed you to enter this field. 

 It takes all of your self control to stop from screaming a profanity. So you calmly walk to the staff toilet mirror and

Because lets face it, when you get together with your practicum-teacher friends, no one wants to hear about the horrible day you had at school. They've been through worse. Neither does anyone want to hear about your awesome day at school. They've got bigger problems. Save it. Deal with it yourself. If you're lucky, you have friends who aren't in the teaching field who find your tales absolutely hilarious!

OMG highlarious!

Don't worry, loads of teachers have been at it for years, so I gather it gets better over time.
Till then, these situations will remain socially awkward, the whole week...till the weekend that is ;)

Dealing with the generation gap

I don't get people who are in their twenties and say "god I feel old" whenever...whatever the circumstance. How do you feel old? What do you mean you feel old? Have you seen old people? Stop making such a big deal and move on. HAHA and then I had this huge overreaction. 

So the other day...

I was trying to guess what year my Form 1s were born in...

Me: How old are you?

Student: I am 13 years old

Me: Very good, so you all were born in...hmm...nineteen ninety...

Students: ...............2001

Me: *Audibly gasps* Whattttt!? NO you're not!!!...people born in the 2000s are babies! 

Of course 2001 was 13 years ago.

This makes perfect mathematical sense.

Just not in-relation-to-self sense. 

Another over-reaction

I was handling the English Club meeting (the intake is so small, really, it's like holding a group discussion)

And after forcing a game of taboo, I tried to "get to know them". Thank goodness I invested time and brain cells in K-pop music over the years, because that's all they listen to really. 

At first I thought I would keep it real, go back to basics, and get some girl power in there

I mentioned

West life? *crickets*

okay NSync! *fan whirrss*

BLUE?! *chair creaks*
BACK STREET BOYSSSS!!!!! ...yeahhh! *someone yawns*

And all that stared up at me were these vague, empty, blank, faces, that I had never encountered at the mention of Back Street Boys...

I was so frustrated and nearly translated it in BM Lelaki Jalan Belakang. 

So then what do you like?

"K-pop" "One direction" 

Damnit, why do I keep forgetting this age gap?

Rightttt...sorry, forgot. 

P.s. But for some reason, even this generation hates Justin Beiber.