Tuesday, 12 November 2013

When you feel Incompetent, Dream Big

I don't know how the feeling of incompetence creeps up on you like a slimy black mist (as far as mists can be slimy and black and creep. Okay that was a lousy simile) but I absolutely detest it. One minute I'm feeling very accomplished having driven up 80 km to my university,by myself and the next minute I'm flopped over sideways on the bed, contemplating deleting my Facebook account because it has prevented me from keeping myself updated with worldly news. I mean how am I supposed to pass off intelligent opinions about the violent protests in Kenya...or was it Nigeria (it's okay, protests are everywhere these days) when all I stared at were bloody Candy Crush requests, and pictures of *hashtag* foodporn?

The way I saw it, Facebook users comprised of two sorts, the ones who went on and on about some cause or another, wishing people to "like" their witty enthusiasm, and the other kind, who just wished people would like their faces. And there are a lot of floaters in the middle who are there to pay up the "likes" and reap no benefits except the freedom to scroll.  Come to think of it, they sound like middle class taxpayers.

Immediately I decided to deactivate my account (after replying an FB message from my aunt. Priorities.) and then launch into some sort of Eat. Pray. Love endeavour of self discovery. I would download a whole playlist of John Mayer acoustic songs and play them loudly in the car (wait this is sounding like a roadtrip). Cancel John Mayer. I needed a project. My own cause to champion.

My thoughts drifted to the dimwits who kept putting out rubbish by the road in this one unfortunate spot around the corner from my place. It was rubbish too big to be collected by the trucks. This included bits of broken sofa, bed frames, carpets, stoves. I'd even seen a television set once. They would all be heaped together with regular stinking rubbish and the whole thing was an eyesore. One day, a signboard was put up warning anyone who littered that they would be made to pay a fine of up to RM1000. Who? Who would make them pay?? And as if spitting in the face of this authority, people began to pile their cushions and  furniture right beneath the sign. It was full on People Vs  Municipal and nothing seemed to stop these ignorant twits. Aha cause for a cause!

I imagined myself setting up a daytime watch over the area, maybe a desk (with coffee? no ...flyers) and a big signboard saying something simple yet creative but to-the-point because we were dealing with morons after all. Maybe, "STOP BEING IDIOTS LITTERING  THROWING RUBBISH  . DO NOT LITTER.
So much for creative. Oh and I would start a garden patch there, surely people wouldn't toss a microwave onto a lovely bloom of flowers. Heliconias maybe, they are so elegant and they spread really fast. And maybe some (Googled) small yellow flower weed to carpet the area with prettiness.

Soon people would get really annoyed, and I would steel myself against some of the nastiest fat old men who were determined to chuck their unwanted household bits. The papers would become interested in "One Woman's noble cause to change humanity". (ha take that, stupid worldly-affairs ranters on FB). Finally people would begin to change their attitudes. Or if they didn't, I'd stake out long enough so that some of the older unchangeable bricks would die off. One small problem with that. I lived in Tanjung Malim 80 km away while site of cause was in Klang.

Right. Well always space for that in my to-do list. My phone beeps. Notification from Facebook. Mental note: DEACTIVATE FACEBOOK.
X has just sent you a request on Candy Crush. This. cannot. be. happening.

Enough is enough

In a sudden burst of inspiration, I grab my post-its and make a list.
1. get baju kurungs (it has been two weeks. she owes me)
2. detergent (current detergent powder has clumped into rocks)
3. return library books (good reads. both of them)
4. buy a guitar pick (maybe not)
5. Bind and staple lesson plan (this is homework to be honest)
6. Buy an empty CD (for softcopy of homework)

I love lists, if you've thought long and hard while writing them, then the actual doing process becomes a breeze.

I called up the baju kurung lady. Surprise surprise. She wasn't ready with my orders made two weeks ago.
Guitar pick can wait.

I get my detergent (liquid this time), bind and staple my report and buy a new CD. Feeling tremendously accomplished. I march up to the library, return the two holiday reads (two days in advance! pat on my back) and float upstairs to get two new ones.

There, I meet some sort of head-librarianish lady who seems surprised to see anyone reading the novels that have been displayed.

"Are the novels any good?" she suddenly asks in a tone that suggested that she didn't think very highly of them.

"Oh! yeah, yeah. good variety" I replied shaken by the interruption of my quiet perusal.

" Good, we try. We're going to put in more after installing the shelves" she explains, gesturing around at the men taking measurements.

"oh. yeah. great. wonderful" I nod really quickly racking my brains for better adjectives.

Suddenly I had an idea. A flash of  brilliance. A brain wave.
"um, what if I had a lot of novels and wanted to...could I give them to the library?"

 What if I had novels? what kind of stupid phrasing was that? as if it was some great hypothetical challenge.
What if I told you I had novels...would you take me seriously?

" yes of course! my door's always open. You'll have your name written on the back" she says as if that last bit was the clincher, what I was desperate for..acknowledgement. *mental scoff*

" oh haha, yeah, so I'll just carry? so.. your office?yeah okay" back to retarded speech.

Okay so I may not have changed an entire litterbug community today.

However I have contributed for the BETTERMENT of MANKIND.
 *slice of humble pie? No thank you