Friday, 26 September 2014

GIRLS in the friendzone

You have always believed that a crush/ love blossoms from a good friendship. It's an old cliché but you like the idea. The problem is, said friendship doesn't seem to be going anywhere let alone blossom into anything.

There are two scenarios in which this can occur

1. You've been friends for a long time, and develop a crush on him.

In this situation, you can't explain the chemistry. All you know is, you have developed some very un-brotherly feelings towards this person, but chances are, he hasn't at all and now you're clutching at straws finding ways to get him to un-sister you too! Big chance you'll fail and embarrass yourself "my-best-friend's-wedding" style but you try anyway.

2. You've been friends for a long time, and think "Wait, why the hell doesn't he like me?"

In the second scenario, you don't even like this guy, but when you look at the people he IS attracted to, you are annoyed that you weren't even on the list. You are also a psychopath. Indignantly, you make it your mission to get this guy to like you.

Anyway, here are 5 telltale signs that you're headed for the (not so little) part of the world called the Friendzone.

1. Once upon a time you shared great conversation. That's it

Back in the day, when your judgement was unclouded,  there was an exchange of opinions, funny debates and yes even a little bit of teasing. T'was a great friendship. You hold on to this like it's your last piece of gum.
You seem to think this should be reason enough for him to fall for you. You end up waiting a long time for this to happen, and after ages, out of frustration, you say something weird and uncalled-for  that suddenly throws everything off balance. Slap your self

He used to really enjoy your company, but now he feels like talking to you might give you idiotic romantic is like navigating through a mine field. Any sentence might set you off. He communicates less and less..until you lose what good friendship you have. The thing you failed to realise was that you were in the friendzone from the start, and you're not headed anywhere any time soon. Tough luck.

2. All witty conversation is met with a generous double syllable HA-HA

In this day and age, a lot of conversation takes place via text message.You think you are reasonably good at it. Every time you communicate with crush, you are engaging, witty, sarcastic but friendly, the kind of girl you think every guy would dream of. After all that effort, the replies you get are as below...

1.     haha

2.     lol

3.     haha lol

He doesn't know what else to say. This conversation you're struggling with means little to him. In fact, this dialogue has dragged on long enough, and he thinks you can't possibly continue after a "haha".....

You stop and  honestly ask yourself why you're sinking this low.  But this reflection lasts only a second before you try again with another joke. Cycle repeats.

3. You over-analyse his rubbish responses.

You receive a non-committal, half-assed "lol"or "oh haha" and immediately launch into a Freud-like analysis... always coming up with the conclusion like "oh, he's really shy" "he's an introvert" "he's not good with words" “he’s busy right now”

NO. He's just not that into you...or your "hilarious" e-cards

4.  You become a toilet bowl

At first, you think you are his listening ear, the supportive shoulder, the available arm, the patting palm, but soon you realise that to be metaphorically apt, you are merely a toilet bowl. He loves talking to you and seeking out your opinions on his silly mundane problems. The toilet bowl, where people go to take a dump. Nothing more. No other purpose.

Like the practical toilet bowl, you really couldn't care less about how he "woke up late today" or "can't decide what cereal to buy" but you think the more you respond and pretend to care, he might realize you are the one.

WRONG. You and your sewage system become the perfect outlet for him to vent and release frustrations.

 "Hey thanks for listening"
 "no probs, any time"

Till the next time nature calls then!

5. He tells you who his crush is and.... it isn't you.

This should be the ULTIMATE sign for you to stop, abandon ship, give up the fight, move on, forget the pursuit. This is the most depressing sign because of its finality and non-negotiable nature of outcome.

If he tells you about the person he does like, you have successfully fulfilled toilet bowl duties. Congratulations. Retire to Friendzone.

If you are a psychopath, you will openly and unashamedly insult his choice in women, because it wasn't you.

If not a psychopath, you smile and encourage him to pursue his interest in the lucky (undeserving) female.

If you've experienced at least one of the 5 signs mentioned above, sigh...stop now, before ruining a good friendship.

*Googling the phrase "friendzone" almost always turns up results to console men who have had some bad luck in the relationship department. "She thinks of you as a brother"has come to be universally accepted as the ultimate warning sign.

But it isn't that simple or clear cut when you are a girl. The social onus of move-making that normally falls to the guy, makes it a bit unclear if they're are not yet into you, or not at all into you. LOL